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Meet the Crimson Defense H@ckers
For a team that lives in the deep corners of the dark web, The Crimson Defense H@ckers really do know how to hide. After quite a long time of tracking them down I got them all to give a description of who they are and how they got into hacking. They keep their true identity sacred, so the following information might not be accurate. There is a risk to putting your personal information out on the surface web, especially for an elite security team such as this one. There might be some truth to these but since I can't be certain of it, I'll leave that up for you to decide.
The Team
Percy Knox
I am an old white lady who loves to eat chocolate, but only if it's a Hersheys "giant" bar. The other ones just aren't as good. I started hacking in my early 60s, I want to say 63 but I could be wrong; It was so many years ago. It all started when I was at a Chinese restaurant and I opened up my fortune cookie and it said "you will be pwned in the near future". I immediately went home to my Ubuntu machine and starting securing the heck out of it. I don't know where I learned all the commands to be honest, they just came to me naturally. I spent 1000 hours, without getting up, making sure my system was as secure as it can be. A few days later I was pwned. I have since then spent every day practicing my security hardening skills and have never eaten at another Chinese restaurant again.
Gonzo
To say I love almonds is an understatement. To say almonds are my life is more accurate. This is the story of how my passion for my nutty little friends nearly landed me in federal prison. Now, I'm the type of person to milk something I love for everything it has. In this particular case, it involved literally milking these azure gems, until I had what I needed: Unsweetened, original almond milk. I go through at least 4 gallons of the stuff a week. I mean, who could resist? Low calorie, high flavor, no lactose with which to abuse my intestines? What more could a man want? Well, they don't call them Blue Diamonds for nothing... my wallet began to suffer. So I did what I could, I went to Aldi, I budgeted- anything to continue my addiction. That was until I found myself on an administrative account of an admiral almond associate. From here it was simple: I had found lifetime access to an allotment of all almond associated accessories. Frantically, I got them shipped to my next door neighbor, who worked during the day and I knew wouldn't be home. However, I made one teensy-tiny misstep, by failing to realize that nearly 500kg of almond products cannot simply arrive domestically without attracted unappreciated almond-eyed attention. The day felt right.. the almond breeze felt like silk against my skin. As the trucks approached however, the situation felt less like almond joy and more like payday pain, as the peanut police pulled past, parking parallel to the path. The PPD? This wasn't normally their jurisdiction- they mainly concerned themselves with peanut problems, occasionally cashew crimes, but never almond arrests. Uh oh. They approached my door, and after affirming my identity, they took everything. Not a single nut left unharvested in my whole house. They tore apart the walls, found the stash I had squirrelled away under the staircase, above the ceiling, inside my shirt pockets. Thankfully, the plunder they took was enough to prevent the pressing of persistent charges. Nevertheless, this was the end of the nepharious nut negotiation. To this day, I am a changed man. Well, as much of a man as you can be after such a tragedy.
LOR
Most people think my hobbies are weird. After all, if one has a super magnified telescope and a 24/7 security watch of the neighborhood, that usually raises alarms in people’s heads. However, my crazy surveillance scheme has nothing to do with the people… but their plants. You see, I happen to run the Saddle Gulch Homes Potted Porch Plant Protection Program, SGHP5 for short. After experiencing several dry spells this past summer, I noticed a severe epidemic of dehydration hit the poor potted plants in my area. After some investigating with my binoculars, I found out that the cause of this mass death was due to their owners forgetting to water them! That night, under the cover of darkness, I stealthily went to every potted plant in need of H2O and doused them in a healthy mist for about 15 seconds before heading back to my home. Over the next month I developed an advanced surveillance system to monitor all the plants. My cameras run a sophisticated AI program that ID’s any victim and instantly texts me their location so that I can engage in a stealth rescue mission at night. I’m proud to say that ever since I established the SGHP5, there have been zero plant deaths due to dehydration in Saddle Gulch Homes, and I plan to keep it that way, for a long, long, time.
The Guilty Remnant
All of existence has culminated to this moment with me to begin to write this paragraph, but I do not have anything I need to accomplish. I am a champion “cornhole” player, and what motivates me to continue to play the sport is to beat people who call it “cornhole” so that I can call it “Bags” straight to their face. I would give you my email or phone number, but I am completely unavailable. My origin story began when I was walking down a street in the city, when I had a piano dropped on me. I wasn’t extremely hurt, but someone was recording me. I smiled at the camera, but to my surprise, my teeth had been replaced by piano keys! After playing a short tune, they fell out, and I passed out. In retaliation, I performed a DOS attack on the piano moving company and sold employee info on the dark web (Reddit.com). My hobbies include haxing, playing heavily modded Minecraft on a laptop that can barely handle it, and emailing Noam Chomsky asking if he can help me with my Algorithms homework.
NaratoCotto
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inspectelement
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ACHME
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JustOneMoreByte
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alluringPanda
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Cryptokiller
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PandasPo
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toin
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PepeSilvia
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